Are You Facing Suicide?

Perspective of A Personal Encounter


By Cliff Cinamon



Resources to aid your Understanding



   I was 13 years old.  The door to the back room where my mother stayed and slept most of   the time was locked and quiet for too long.  I think it must have been at least 24 hours since she had come out to go to the bathroom or to get something to eat.  I knocked and knocked and got no response.  Understand, I usually got slapped for waking her up.  This time though I felt something had to be wrong.  I finally broke her door down.


            There she was flat on her back half on and half off the bed.  Pill bottles opened lying everywhere.  Her mouth was opened in an odd way.  Foam was coming out of one side.  I froze for a moment.  That moment is forever carved in my memory as if it were only yesterday.  I was not able to cry.  Was she alive?  Yes, I could see her chest moving a little.  She was still here.  I tried to wake her calling out “mom, mom, mom” . . .  no response, I shook her, still no response.  I tried to keep my younger brothers from seeing her but I couldn’t.  I had to call the police and ambulance.


            They came, but she still gave no response to them.  They brought in a Gurney.  She was very heavy, and they had a difficult time rolling her onto the Gurney.  I rode up front in the ambulance with the driver.  I don’t remember any conversation.  I guess he did not know what to say, nor did I.  The trip to the hospital was a blur. I sat waiting in the emergency waiting room for two hours, but no one said anything to me.  They had gotten my mother’s ID from her pocket book.  Finally the nurse came and said, “You can see your mother now.” 


She was still lying on the Gurney motionless with an IV in her arm.  I call to her, but once again there was no response. I waited another hour: then I was told that she was going to be admitted, and there was nothing I could do.  I was left with no comfort, no explanation --  just emptiness.


            My three brothers (ages 1, 5, and 10) needed me.  Our father was not around.  I had just enough change to ride the bus home.  It was dark. 


            My mother – suicide?


            Why would she do such a thing?  I could guess why.  No money, depressed all the time, separated from her second husband, four boys to care for, a bungalow for a home. Mom was on welfare, no freedom, no hope, no joy, no friends, overweight, no future, and relatives that  had given up on her. 


            Why should she stay here?  What’s the point?


            I did what I had to do:  Watched the boys, cooked, cleaned, and delivered news papers.  I cut school to watch them. They really needed me.  My mother’s personal crisis caused a family crisis.


            A social worker called a day or two later, and said to we were to get things packed and ready to go, as she was coming to pick us up the next day.  I was ready for her all right.  I was determined to keep our “family together. I put food, water, and a make shift potty in the center bedroom.  I moved the dresser, bed and the crib between the door that opened in and the back wall.  You could not open the door.  I nailed the window, and showed  my brother how to nail the last one when I climbed out, and then how to close the curtains. 


            The social worker came and asked, “Where are the boys?”

            I told her, “They are in the center room.  I fixed it so  you can’t get them.  We aren’t going anywhere!”

            She said, “You must!  You have no one to care for you.  Your mother is in the hospital, and under some bad circumstances.”

            I told her, “I can care for us.  I’ve been doing it for several years anyway.”

            She said, “No,  you must come.”

            I said, “No, we won’t.”

            She said, “I will call the police.”

            I told her, “Go ahead.”


            The police came but  they could not get into the bedroom either.  They tried to talk me into letting them in, but I would not budge.  I feared that once they got us we would be separated and would never see each other or our mom again. They called the fire department. 


            Then I got scared.  I called the priest.  He came and did a lot of talking.  He asked, “Don’t you have any relatives that can care for you?”  I replied, “Yes, my grandma across town.” The priest said, “Call her.  If she will sign the papers for the social worker, you can stay.”


            I called and begged her to come.  She came and signed the papers.  After everyone had left,  she handed me $20 bucks and said, “You’re on your own, kid.  Your mother has been nothing but a great disappointment to me.”


            My mother lived, and in a few days came back home again.  Things were back to normal! (Read my testimony for normal.)


            Are you facing suicide? 


You have no idea of the impact your death will make on loved ones, relatives, and the world surrounding you.  You think you will be only hurting yourself?  No one cares anyway. . .   Right?  No, you are very wrong!  Many more people care for you than you realize.  Also, the way you leave this earth makes a terrible  mess  for others.  Their memories are scarred for life.  Their future is impaired without your bodily presence, however meager you think that difference will be to them. Unfortunately we are never fully appreciated until we are gone.


            You are hurting, maybe just numb, depressed, beyond hope. You think your life has no meaning anymore. Think again.  Self pity helps no one.  Least of all you.  You think that you are the only one that is hurting.  Bad things do happen to good people. 


            Why?  Why me?  Why am I so discouraged that I am contemplating suicide?


For one thing - Satan wants your soul!  He’ll do anything or nothing to get it.   Misery loves company.  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. ( 1 Peter 5:8)   Satan has already lost the battle.  God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) Jesus loves us just as we are.... unlovable, undeserving, and unworthy.  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient even unto the death of the cross. (Philippians 2:8) For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)


Tempted in all points for what?  For YOU  . . .  and me. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13) 


God counts you as His friend.  If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b) 


Jesus  took the sins of the whole world  upon His perfect humanity, His perfect divinity, so that He actually became sin in the eyes of God the Father.  That is what He did for you and for me.  Yes, for YOU. 


So you have ONE  friend left: the only one Who counts; the one Who  even knows the number of hairs on your head.  The One Who  knows when a sparrow falls.  The One Who has resurrection power; Whose Holy Spirit raised Him  from the tomb to newness of life.


That same resurrection, glorified shining power is what He wants you to have in your life; He wants to give you “Joy unspeakable and full of Glory”.  He is the father of lights and in him is no ‘shadow of turning’.  This Resurrected Jesus can turn your life around, raise you to have resurrection, and give you redeeming shining power in your heart, mind, and soul. 


Think of it:  God in you the hope of glory!


How does Jesus shine in your heart His “hope of glory?  Why does he do it?  Once you become Born Again through repentence of your sin, you become united as one with Christ by His Shekinah Glory - His Holy Spirit lives, moves and has his being in your heart, mind, and soul.  You have resurrection power.  Your hope is in God.  You will have an eternal home in Glory!  You have a new nature inside of you right now; not bye and bye, not sometime in the far future.


Why would he give you such a Divine, marvelous free gift?  He wants to bring many sons to eternal glory, through the promise of the Father reconciling us to himself (canceling our sin debt canceling our miserable old estate).


            How?  You must be born again.  Physical birth you now have.  A spiritual rebirth comes through repentance from your sins - cry out to God to save your wretched soul.  Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7) 


Come to the end of yourself, not by destroying your body, but by coming clean with God.  Strip away all the lies, the pretenses, the pity, even the pain however real it may be.  Become a child of God first; beloved of the Father, you are assured a place in heaven. 

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself: that where I am, there ye may be also. ( John 14:1-3)  


Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. (James 4:8) 


For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) 


But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.

(Deuteronomy 30:14) 


If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. (Romans 10:9) 


            Don’t delay.  Let the resurrection power of Christ heal your broken heart.  Put down the gun, the pills, or the rope.  There is only hope in God and no other.  Don’t let Christ’s selfless sacrifice of His perfect life on the cross be in vain for one He loves so much.


 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)    


What a waste of humanity, what a loss of your soul forever. 


And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matthew 25:30)


Humble yourself before the almighty hand of God, and know His peace in your heart:


Jesus Himself took His stand among them and said to them, Peace --  freedom from all the distresses that are experienced as the result of sin--  be to you! [Luke 24:36; Parallel Bible, KJV/Amplified Bible Commentary]


Peace I leave with you; My own peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled. [John 14:27; Ibid]


I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer -- take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you. [John 16:33; Ibid.]


THEREFORE, SINCE we are justified, acquitted, declared righteous, and given a right standing with God through faith, let us grasp the fact that we have the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).” [Romans 5:1; Ibid.]


Grace -- favor and spiritual blessing -- to you and heart peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).” [2 Cor 1:2; Ibid.]


Rather than take your own life, please run to Jesus so you may receive His heart peace  in your troubled heart!  Jesus stands with His arms wide open to receive you. 



If you have been born again and received Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, but have been very lukewarm in your spiritual walk with Him, you need to immediately ask Him for forgiveness and for renewal. He will instantly forgive you, and fill your heart with the joy of the Holy Spirit. Then, you need to begin a daily walk of prayer and personal Bible Study.

If you have never placed your trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior, but have come to sense His reality and the approaching End of the Age, and want to receive His FREE Gift of Eternal Life, you can do so now, in the privacy of your home. Once you truly believe in Him as Lord and Savior, you are spiritually Born Again, and are as assured of Heaven as if you were already there. Then, you can rest assured that the Kingdom of Antichrist will not touch you spiritually. If you would like to become Born Again, turn to our Salvation Page now.

We hope you have been blessed by this ministry, which seeks to educate and warn people, so that they can see the coming New World Order—Kingdom of Antichrist—in their daily news.

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